The latest Jason Statham movie, A Working Man, has been in theaters for just over a month and there’s no gentle way to put it.
People are angry.
At the theatre where I saw it, there were two waves of walkouts.
I stayed in my seat until the credits were done.
I told myself this was because there was probably a post credit scene.
After all, A Working Man is based on material by comic book writer, Chuck Dixon.
But when the lights came on and I finally found the nerve to exit, I realized I was actually trying to avoid the angry men who watched the movie with me.
This wasn’t a foolish decision. Around the exit door, the walls were covered with fresh cracks and knuckle-shaped blood stains. A lot of people were just too angry not to punch something.
In the lobby, many adolescent ushers were screamed at by men in their thirties or older, unable to contain their rage.
They felt betrayed.
They had come to see a Working Man because they thought it was a remake of Working Girl.
And it wasn’t.
One guy who had to be six foot eight, dressed entirely in camo, screamed
“I was promised a meet cute between Jason Statham and Harrison Ford!”
Another guy, this one full of home made tattoos, was totally out of control
“That was no romcom!” he screamed, kicking over a Minecraft Movie display, “And where the fuck was Joan Cusack!”
I didn’t defend the staff.
If you hate me for that, I don’t blame you.
I felt an overwhelming need to get out of there.
I felt targeted.
I realize most people who watch Jason Statham movies, especially those who take steroids and work out seven days a week, are aching for content where he explores his softer side. Something akin to “The One”, where Statham spent most of his screen time gently explaining black holes and the multiverse.
But then there’s pencil necks like me who go to Jason Statham movies to watch him beat people up. We want him to beat lots of people up. We don’t even care if the violence hinders, undermines or completely subsumes plot structure or character development.
Listen, I think it’s pretty brave of me to admit that I loved A Working Man, not despite the formulaic brutality but because of it.
And for those of you who suspect this review to be the rantings of an artless philistine, let me say all praise for this movie should be shared equally between Jason Statham and costume designer, Tiziana Corvisieri.
Corvisieri, whose resume includes, Once, Zonad, Sing Street and more recently, Cocaine Bear, has done a great service by dressing all of Statham’s victims in clothing so preposterous that it is impossible to feel sympathy for any of them.
Not only does this make it even more glorious when Stathan drowns people in mud puddles, it makes it completely unnecessary to pay attention to…
The Plot: Levon Cade (Jason Statham) is retired British Special Forces, who somehow wound up in Chicago, working construction.
But he couldn’t be happier with his situation.
He loves his bosses, Carla and Joe (Noemi Gonzalez and Michael Peña) and he loves their daughter, Jenny (Arianna Rivas) even though she is a bit spoiled.
When she is caught ‘borrowing’ $1600 from her parent’s business account to ‘celebrate the end of the semester’ she is haughty and indignant at the suggestion she is doing anything wrong. This reaction somehow convinces Mom and Dad to let her keep the money. (Don’t worry, a comeuppance is coming!)
Cade is too poor to spoil his own daughter, Merry (Isla Gie) which is one of many reasons his father-in-law, Jordan (Richard Heap) is suing for sole custody.
Another reason is Cade’s modest attire. When Merry is picked up from a lavishly catered princess party, Jordan shakes his raspberry beret with disgust at Cade’s denim ensemble.
Cade really wants to punch his father-in-law, because of the custody thing and because of the stupid hat, but this would make his daughter sad, so he holds it in and lets it fester.
Fortunately, fate gives him the opportunity to beat the fuck out of an entire crime syndicate who all wear ridiculous clothing.
You see, on Jenny’s $1600 night out, one of her rich brat friends drinks too much. When Jenny does the noble thing and holds the puking freshmen’s hair back, she is TAKEN by kidnapping duo Viper and Artemis (Emmett J. Scanlan and Eve Mauro).
Jenny’s sobbing parents ask Cade to help. He agrees but declines their offers of payment, because money is nothing compared to the righteous satisfaction of murdering people who wear stupid shit.
The first casualties are twins who flagrantly sport matching bucket hats.
These twins, (Greg Kolpakchi and Piotr Witkowski) also kidnap people and sell them into sex slavery but so do many other characters in this movie who don’t wear bucket hats and nothing bad happens to them.
The aforementioned Viper and Artemis spend the entire movie stockpiling contempt from the audience but not because they kidnapped Jenny.
We hate Viper because he’s dressed like a goth Chef Boyaredee.
We hate Artemis because she wears a turtleneck made of frilly black feathers and has something really distracting tattooed on her forehead, the periodic table, I think?
Like I said, all of this is Tiziana Corvisieri’s brilliance.
Naturally, Corvisieri saves the very worst couture for the main bad guy, Dimi (Maximilian Osinski). His motif is a particularly garish composite of Post Malone and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Statham serves Dimi the nastiest of nasty fates and the cheers of the audience drown out his screams.
Of course, Corvisieri doesn’t just give the villains memorable costumes, she helps the heroes too.
Whenever Cade needs to ground himself and get back in touch with nature, family, dietary fiber and the like, he heads off into the woods to meet his war buddy Gunny (David Harbour) who was blinded in combat.
We know Gunny’s a good man because of the way he wears his goatee and the way he always covers his damaged eyes with Oakley sunglasses that always have the logo aimed straight at the camera.
I mean no disservice to the acting talents of David Harbour, but it is the Oakleys which truly endear him to the audience. Well, that and Statham’s accent. Every time he says “Gunny” it actually sounds like “Honey”
To those who pine for the day when Jason Statham finally plays the lead in a remake of Working Girl, or Big Business or How to Make an American Quilt, I say to you be patient, your day will come.
But to the meek, the weak, the geek and uh, the academique
To you I say, pull out all the stops on your Statham blood lust!
Get thee to a Theatre and watch A Working Man!
The Tea: Something simple and anti-fancy. The cheapest tea at your local dollar store
The Snack: Perfection Salad shaped like a bucket hat. You could create this effect by avoiding a bowl and instead pouring the gelatin mixture directly into an actual bucket hat. That would make more sense than wearing one.
I'm really sad I missed this in theaters. All I want is to see Jason Statham beating people up and I mean that sincerely. Fantastic review, I giggled the whole way through
Other serious questions..
Was it as good as The Bee Keeper?
How was A Working Man not a secret Bee Keeper sequel??? Missed opportunity.
And when is Statham gonna make an End of Days remake so we get Statham vs Satan??
Talk amongst yourselves…